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Praise God for the Gifts of Continual Conversion!

Praise God for the gifts of continual conversion! It is through these conversions that God is preparing us to stand before Him on the day of our judgment. We cannot selfishly keep them to ourselves, but need to share them with others so that they too may benefit.

This is my first morning home after Tuesday's heart attack. Some plaque in my artery ruptured and formed a clot (I believe they call that the widow maker). Fortunately, I was able to recognize the signs early enough, prayed to our Blessed Mother, and called 911. After taking an aspirin and receiving nitro glycerin in the ambulance, the pain subsided and I knew I was going to be OK. Of course, I remained in constant prayer and said several Hail Mary's, a few Our Father's, the prayer to St. Michael, and some others in my own words. I was also thankful that no one made an attempt to remove my Brown Scapular. In fact, the paramedic used it as a reference point for where to place one of the stickers for the EKG. He said, "place it behind the Scapular," signaling that he too was Catholic. I remained clothed in our Blessed Mother's virtue the entire time. Donna and Anna were able to arrive just before the angioplasty and we prayed the Chaplet of Divine Mercy. One of my arteries was 90% clogged and they were able to open it with a stint. Blood flow was restored and all is well. Due to the rapid response, damage from the heart attack is very minimal. Incredibly, I went home last night just 24 hrs after the episode.....praise God!

Fear of God is a beautiful gift. While in the ambulance, I realized that I was not prepared to meet God face to face. It reminded me of the night of my conversion when God allowed me to experience what I believe to be the moment of our judgment. In that experience, Christ was not present, it was just me and God, and I had no chance. My own insignificance was so profoundly felt and I suddenly became very small. I knew that without any effort God could have taken my life away. I was nothing. I knew instantly that I deserved death and God gave me a taste of it. With intense panic, I desperately wanted to come back to God's presence. In His mercy, He brought me back to Him. I no longer stood naked before Him in judgment and I did not fear. I felt His love and knew that God, in His mercy, was giving me a second chance. I felt Christ's presence, and I gave my life to Him. Our Lord was calling me to unite His Church. If I were to paint what I felt, it would look very much like the Image of Divine Mercy.

Since my conversion, I have done some radical things that many people have difficulty with. Some have foolishly regarded my experience as a mid life crisis. These poor souls fail to see God's hand in my conversion and prefer to see it from the world's perspective. Please know that everything I have done since my conversion has been guided by the Holy Spirit, but I do have a destructive tendency to childishly take the lead myself; foolishly trying to do it on my own instead of allowing Christ to be my Shepherd. My fear in the ambulance was not nearly as profound as the fear I experienced the night of my first conversion, but it was there. I was not prepared to meet God face to face, and I realized that on my own merits I never would be. I need to be totally clothed with Christ in order to be comfortable standing in the presence of God the Father in judgment.
I was so grateful that a volunteer came to distribute Communion to me the morning after my procedure. I began to cry as she held up the Blessed Sacrament right in front of me and said, "Behold the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world." I am not worthy to receive Christ and nor am I worthy of His love, but in our Lord's infinite mercy He offers it to me in the same way He offers it to all of us. May we all repent and realize that we can in no way stand before God on our own most pitiable merits, that we all need Christ.

I pray,
Thank you God for giving me the opportunity for yet another conversion;
drawing me deeper into relationship with your dearly beloved Son, our Lord
Jesus Christ. May I be given the grace to die to my wretched self along
with my pride so that I may fully accept your most precious and beautiful
gift, that I will not fear standing in front of you on the day of my judgment, for then I will be fully clothed in your most Divine Love to protect me and be my Advocate.
Amen

May none of us ever be tempted to foolishly think that we can stand before God in judgment on our own. Even the best of us are nothing but pitiable creatures that cannot bear God's most beautiful justice and live. Let us all turn away from the world and the praises of men and humbly follow Christ as our Shepherd.
God bless you all,

Greg

  • By admin at 03/24/2011 - 22:22